(I read this on Doug Philip's blog for August 22nd, 2008)
Gracious ladies, enter here. Vicious man-haters, beware. Camilia Brown is in the house, and her words are health to the homemaker, but hateful to the rapacious feminist. Camilla is part of the league of gracious, responsible lady bloggers, and the following is from an article entitled “12 Things You Should Not Do To Your Husband.” Read at your own risk:
DO NOT treat your husband as one of your children. You are not running the household he is. So no matter how busy you think you are or how many tasks you might have to perform at once you should not address your husband in this way: “Honey come here! Do this! Hold that! Grab this! Deal with this or that!”. Now I am all for asking our husbands for help when he is available to give it, but bossing him around is not becoming to a wife. We must conduct ourselves as his help meet and not treat him as if the reverse were true.
DO NOT act as if you are more spiritual than he is. I honestly have a hard time with women who act as if they are the spiritual leaders of their family; as if they are doing all the spiritual reformation in the family while their husbands are busy with other pursuits and just tag along with regard to spiritual matters. We’ve all heard women say things like: ” Well God told me this is the best for our family so I had to take the decision, because my husband is not there yet... I am praying for him though!” Even if it were true that a woman might be more spiritual than her husband, this attitude is a usurpation of the authority that God has given the family. There is never room for this kind of behavior in a Christian home. Honestly, my thoughts are that women who set themselves up as spiritual gurus in the family and brag of being more spiritual or knowledgeable than anyone else have proved themselves to be the contrary.
DO NOT talk over him and in a gathering DO NOT talk more than he does. If he doesn’t talk much than talk even less. It is just not becoming to women to do all the talking as if they speak for the family.
DO NOT complain about him to others. Don’t make him look foolish in front of anyone and don’t talk about his weaknesses to anyone.
DO NOT compare him with other men. You married an individual with different qualities, different style and vision. He is not like anyone else. He is the man that God has given you the task of loving and serving, and you should consider it an honor to be able to carry out that duty. Note to unmarried ladies: Make a list with the qualities a future husband MUST have to avoid your being totally dissatisfied. If it was not that important before you got married don’t nag him or be dissatisfied about it after you get married.
DO NOT nag him continuously about a matter. Did you hear the expression? DRIP! DRIP! DRIP!? I don’t like it when the children come even close to being drips, so I am sure no husband would appreciate it either.
DO NOT make him feel he doesn’t measure up to your expectations. Encourage, don’t criticize and most important...be content!
DO NOT be afraid to bring to his attention sins that he should deal with or concerns that you might have in regard to his conduct. It is a wife’s duty to encourage her husband in his spiritual growth. While it is not the wife’s duty to assume the role of her husbands conscience, she is the closest to him and can encourage him grow in ways that others cannot. Our husbands must trust that we are help meets to them and that we are honest and sober minded in our reproof.
DO NOT always speak your mind. This doesn’t mean we should not have an opinion, but most of the time it is better to hold our tongues rather than “state the facts”. Choose your words carefully in soberness, patience, and love. This does not mean that it is wrong to be open with your husband about your concerns or being honest when he asks our opinion. There is a greater respect and trust that your husband will show toward your opinion when you find this balance.
DO NOT seek out parallel lives with him. Become acquainted with whatever job he does and get involved if possible; even if by just listening to him talk about it. Don’t think about your husband’s pursuits in terms of: HIS career, HIS hobbies, HIS this or HIS that. I hear women say: “well he is busy with his pursuits and I with the children”. Yes we have different roles but we work together towards the same goal: to Glorify God in every area of our lives. You can’t be a proper help meet for your husband if you are not involved in everything he is doing whether you are interested or not.
DO NOT become too busy to listen to him or do things for him. When you start to have lots of children it can become really easy to do this, but remember you are made to be a help meet for him.
DO NOT let your appearance go because you have married him now. Make yourself pretty for him. Yes he loves you no matter what, but you made sure that you showed him that you care enough to look nice for him before you were married, you should care more, not less, after he actually becomes your husband. It is not a matter of keeping his affections, but rather continuing to give him all that we have to offer. 5 minutes a day is all it takes.
I have made my share of mistakes and still do. Many of them are listed above. I am still a work in progress, so please don’t take this to mean that I think I have arrived. I thought listing a few resolutions and observations, may be helpful to someone else.
Thank you, Camilia, for your courage and bold insights.
Posted by Doug Phillips on August 22, 2008 Permalink