Should Children Be "Allowed" in the Worship Service?

Here are some GREAT questions and answers from the blog of the church we are now attending.  More churches need to see the need to train parents and children how to worship together.

Gospel of Grace Church

Why are there children in the worship service? Doesn't your church have a special children's program for them?
We are a church that emphasizes "intergenerational" or "family-integrated" ministry. The Bible teaches that parents are to be the foremost teachers of their children (Deut. 6:7; Proverbs 29:17; Ephesians 6:4), so as a church we attempt to support and assist (not replace) parents in that role. That is why we invite children to stay in the worship service and participate as they are able.

How can a young child understand what is going on?
The Bible talks about children asking parents questions (Exodus 12:26; Deut. 6:20), and the parents explaining and teaching (Exodus 12:27; Deut. 6:21-25). But if a child is not present in worship to observe, how will the child be able to ask their parents questions about worshipping God?

Won't they just disrupt the service?
Yes, indeed. We assume that a child unfamiliar with or unprepared to sit through an hour long service will most likely cause disruptions during the service. In order to assist parents through such disruptions, we have an area at the back of the church where parents can take a child. The glass doors can be closed if the child is noisy, and yet participation can continue since the area has speakers. After a time of "encouragement and training" most children will be able to sit still and learn about the Christian faith during the worship service. But in the meantime, while parents are in the process of training children to sit attentively during worship, we bless and thank God for their presence and little voices in worship.

Is there anything else I can do to help my child behave respectfully in church?   
Family worship times at home are ideal for learning and practicing this! If a child is old enough to understand the concept of using an "inside voice" (talking) versus an "outside voice" (yelling), the child will soon be able to understand that behavior during a worship service should be different than playing at home. If your child asks, "Why?", you'll be able to smile. Your child has just asked why we respect God...a great place to start teaching!

It is so much easier to send my children to a program designed for children, instead of putting all this effort into training them to behave well in an adult worship service. Isn't this putting too much emphasis on the children?                        
We are trying to strike a biblical balance between worshipping our children (which is idolatry) and neglecting our children (which is ungodly). The Bible clearly teaches that parents are to train up their children (Proverbs 22:6; Ephesians 6:4), and this training takes a lot of work. That is why our church positions itself alongside parents in order to assist them as they diligently struggle to train each child. Just as we desire to see people from all tongues, tribes, and nations bow the knee to Jesus Christ and worship Him, so too we desire every member of our families (including our children) to bow their knee to Christ and worship Him. Therefore, we strive in our commitment as a church to encourage families to worship together. 

 

"If we segregate youth what do we lose?"

Scott Brown with NCFIC

The Gospel Coalition seems to continue to make our arguments for us (while still seeking to legitimize, nurse, and resuscitate a failed system). Here is a quote from this article:

" But the thing is, we have to be sure that we don't segregate the youth for our sake and theirs. They are part of the body of Christ too, and no part of the body can remain healthy if one of its members is cut off and put to the side. If we segregate the youth, not only do we lose all they have to teach us, but we also inadvertently teach them that the church is really only for adults---those who are married and have families of their own. And then we wonder why they don't get involved in church as college students or young singles, when in reality, we've been telling them all along that the church isn't yet for them."

To read the entire article go to Gospel Coalition.

(When are these leaders going to get it.  Separating  families does not help anyone, except provide these leaders with jobs.  We need to continue to pray that God will open the eyes of the deceived parents and leaders, so they can see the best way to teach our children and young people is God's way...together as families.) 

How Fathers Transition Into Age-Integration

(Here is a great article in making the switch from age segregated worship to age integrated worship. It starts at home.--Lanita)

Posted by Jason Dohm on October 13, 2011 at NCFIC

Yessir, this is a topic I know a little about.

It was more than a decade ago that I was teetering on this precipice myself. Janet and I had decided to take our two young daughters and go participate in a family-integrated church plant. Mostly oblivious to what was ahead of us, I was extremely gung-ho, but I could tell that Janet had some unspoken reservations. I couldn't imagine what they were.

They were me. I was the unspoken reservation. When I drew it out of her, she sheepishly admitted that she was concerned that we might be moving on from a beloved church (albeit one with a flawed discipleship structure) only to have less discipleship anyway. What we had (with whatever flaws) was something, and she needed to be confident that it wasn't going to be replaced with nothing. Ouch. Double ouch. It pierced because it was legitimate. I knew me. She knew me. And we both knew that there was a lot of the love of the world still left in this young father, who had a track record to prove it.

Needless to say, it was "game on" (or maybe literally "game off", but more on that in a minute), not because I was resisting what she was saying, but because I was embracing it. It was now so clear in my mind, that with this move to a new church, I was now the difference between more discipleship for our family or less. And it wasn't going to be less.

It didn't happen all at once, but I did learn to be more and more faithful in my duty before God as a husband and father. I'm not claiming to be the ideal, but there has been real, significant progress. It has meant the world to the life of the Dohm family. I thank God that He has seen fit to bring us to this point, by making me feel the weight of my biblical calling.

Looking back, I have a few exhortations to fathers who are teetering on their own precipice:

Institute Family Worship Today

When God gives us light to walk by, we need to act - not tomorrow, today. In the category of family worship, skip the lengthy planning cycle, forget about the external helps from the Christian book store, and simply gather your wife and children to pray, read the Bible, discuss the text, and sing - today. I'm not against planning, I'm for it. I'm not against helps, I'm for them. What I'm against is putting off the most important thing in the life of your family until tomorrow, and then the next day, and then the next. This happens not because more time is needed to gather yourself for the mission, but because we all have the natural aversion to push beyond our comfort zone. It is better to be uncomfortable and a little incompetent today and to serve notice to your beloved comfort zone, than to chicken out with a transparent excuse. Don't worry. Every day, that you meet the challenge, you'll become a little more comfortable and a little more competent.

One note: If you haven't been leading family worship for your whole married life, understand that you may need to be patient with your wife. She is going to want to see that this is really a permanent change. Until she does, she might be lukewarm. Blame yourself and be patient.

Make That Practice the Immovable Rock in Your Daily Schedule

Deuteronomy 6:4-7 says, "Hear, O Israel: The LORD our God, the LORD is one! You shall love the LORD your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. And these words which I command you today shall be in your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, when you walk by the way, when you lie down, and when you rise up."

What part of "You shall teach them diligently to your children" do we not understand? Until we are willing to fight hard to establish the pattern, we find that any little thing can bump family worship. Family worship must become that non-negotiable, immovable rock in the schedule, around which everything else rotates. Everything. Every single thing.

"My work schedule won't accommodate it." Shift your family schedule to make it work. Eat dinner at 8:00, put the kids to bed at 10:30, and let them sleep in to a later time. That could complete the schedule shift.

"That still doesn't work." Then find another job. Radically change your family budget, move into a trailer, and worship God there. “Seriously?" Seriously. Do it because you fear God. Do it for the joy that this established pattern - done rightly - inevitably brings. At the end of your days, you won't regret it.

Having this pattern firmly established will also make Sunday morning a lot better. Your kids will already know the drill, having been expected to sit quietly and attentively during family worship through the course of the week.

Decide to Grow Up

May I say a few things that everyone knows, but no one wants to say? Too many men are just large, hairy boys. When the Dohm family took the plunge and committed to our first family-integrated church, I was still a boy in so many ways - a thirty year old boy, but still a boy. I was a boy with a steady job and some church responsibilities, but still a boy - a Christian boy, but still a boy.

I was wasting volumes of time doing boyhood things. My wife needed a man for a husband, and my girls needed a man for a daddy. I knew I had to grow up. To my shame, it was long overdue. In a day when Christian leaders want to help us not waste our sports, they should back up, take a deep breath, and tell us not to waste our lives. We all have a window of time to teach our children diligently about our great, merciful, just, and holy God. That window is shorter than we ever imagined and is closing a little every day. Sideline that lawful, unprofitable stuff, and get going on things that matter.

Final Thought

There are many other things to say, but none of them are as important as these things - at least in my estimation and experience. If you get these things in order, the other things are accomplished readily enough. Without these things, the others don't matter anyway.

I know these things look daunting from the outside, but I want to tell you that they are so exhilarating from the inside. Give it a serious go, and I'll be proven right. You get a sense very early on that you were made for this: to rally your family around God and His word, so that they might come to know a mighty Redeemer and love Him in a deeper way.

Go for it, brothers. There is nothing like it.

Jason Dohm has been married to Janet for twenty years, with a wonderful result being six children ages five to sixteen. Following a lengthy career in electronics manufacturing, Jason now serves full-time as an elder of Sovereign Redeemer Community Church in Youngsville, NC. He graduated from University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill in 1992 with a B.A. in education.

This Is Not Your Neighbors "Youth Group"

by Rev. Michael Brown
"As Americans, we have an unquenchable thirst for knowing the cash value of something. It may seem to many American Christians that investing in the rigorous daily duty of family worship is too costly. After all, getting a family in 2008 to meet together regularly around a table and take out thirty minutes of the day may seem almost impossible. It would require reordering and restructuring our daily lives. It would require slowing down a little bit. It would require turning off the television a little more (gasp!)."

Go to White Horse Inn  to read the entire article.  This is an awesome article on family worship and the importance of every Christian family taking time out every day to worship together.

Family Worship

Does your family have a regular family worship time? If not, what is stopping you from having one? Here is a well written article, by Voddie Baucham on how to handle children who recoil at having family worship and the importance of perseverance.
"Our job is simply to keep the gospel before our children. And one of the most effective ways to do that is to engage them in family worship on a daily basis. "--Voddie Baucham

To read the article go to Voddie Baucham Ministries.

What are practical ways to involve and teach your preschoolers during your family devotional times

"We will never have meaningful family worship if we don’t unplug. Christianity is in many ways a quiet, contemplative, meditative, religion. Listening to God’s word requires concentration and discipline. Singing biblical, theologically driven songs requires paying attention. Prevailing in prayer requires perseverance. How do we expect this from children whose entire religious foundation is built upon entertainment? Ironically, one of the most important things small children learn in family worship is the discipline of ‘sitting through’ something that is not necessarily entertaining."

To read this entire article, go to Voddie Baucham Ministries.